Interconnected.

Artist :: Jessica Perlstein

ten minute freewrite at 4:20 am by warsan shire

I have thrown my body around like an old excuse

I have thrown my heart out like a kite

like rice confetti

like milk teeth behind me

like salt behind me

I have thrown away all of my pride

I have thrown all of my prayers into the deep

well of your mouth.

You catch me,

you’ve caught me

honey

I have nothing left

Source: Warsan Shire Blogspot

"When I'm down, I just draw some roses on a pretty piece of paper..."

My weekend with the love of my life was more than amazing! Casey is the sweetest person I know with an extraordinary heart. I spoke to my best friend in DC about him this weekend and just how well we seem to get along with each other. When she asked about him, I told her, “With him, it’s easy. It’s easy to love him.” We may not always agree with each other, but it doesn’t feel like a task to love him. There is nothing I have to get him to work on and I don’t feel that he hands over his load of miseries upon my shoulder. In past relationships, I have learned that none of that is healthy. You fall in love with who that person is as that very moment you say hello. YOU love them for who they are, not what you want them to be. It makes things complicated and you soon learn that you have fallen in love with a fantasy. In Cordie’s words, “I ain’t got time to fix nobody.”

Also, I have also had to be careful about what I allow people to place into my life. I usually allow my friends, family, and romantic partners to hand their loads of miseries on my shoulders. I would feel miserable and uninspired after every conversation we had. I’ve learned that in any relationship, recollections of pain and heartache are shared amongst the two of you. You aid each other in growing through it by simply being present, physically and spiritually. One person cannot feel responsible for carrying the burden of the other person’s shit. It doesn’t work that way.

It has taken me a while to really unwrap my full self with Casey. But I am doing so, right now. Others don’t understand it, and I am viewed from both extremes of being old-fashioned to selfish. For thoughts such as those, I have no apology to give. With all that I’ve been through and the many things I have seen, I know what I want MY love to feel like. And I don’t want it to feel rushed. I had to spiritually unwind with Casey at my own pace. And you know what? He understands. And he is always there. He doesn’t judge me. He encouraged me to always do what felt right for me. And if taking my time was it, then that was alright, as well. Why rush? Isn’t love patient and kind? It doesn’t pester you to make you feel as if you are wrong for being a hesitant flower in bloom. I love him, because I love myself. And I want to share that with him for as long as I can. I love him, because he loves himself. I love him, because he knows enough to know that there is actually NO real compromise in love. Love requires the real you at all times, and someone who can accept all that you are. I’m not satisfied with settling for what makes others comfortable. Where is the life in doing such? That’s no liberation. Love liberates! It’s free. I’ve lived a tough life. I don’t want struggle in a tough love. I want to dance in it. So, thank you, Casey, for showing me how MY love feels. I appreciate your whole self. I’ll love you, always.

Miriam Makeba, I'm blessed to bear your name.

HE'S COMINGGGGGG!

MY LOVE WILL BE HERE NEXT WEEKEND!!!!!!!  He's coming all the way from Georgia to be my date at my sister's Debutante Ball. Plus, he really wanted to meet the family. And...we miss each other terribly...or maybe that's just me on the 'terribly' note. Either way, my Moon Love, will be here in NC with moi! AHHHHH! I'm so excited! I have so much to do with this house, and my hair..AH! It hasn't been that long, but it's been long enough.  *sigh...* I hope he likes our house. It's pretty small. Actually very small. I'm never nervous about anyone coming to my house, but I am with him.He's not materialistic at all, though. In fact, he's a pretty simple guy. That's why I love him. I just...want everything to be enough. But I'm sure everything will be fine. It will be fine. I just want him here. AHHHHH!