Yeah...

I had a dream

that I saw you for the first time in a long time. You tried to kiss me. I wanted you to. But I couldn't. I couldn't seem to breathe right.

Yeah...

Somehow I feel that has happened before. Ya know? In a real way.

Namaste.

Meditate & Levitate

Image via my close friend's new and wonderful style and holistic living blog Cordrow .

( Check this girl out! She is ma trendsettin' / flyy / gorgeous / best homie in the world. She sheds so much positive energy and inspiration. It's beautiful. And so is she. So, do your life a favor and click on that link I gave. Oh, here it is again, Cordrow ! )

A tornado has been flying around my mind lately. Worries, troubles, and tasks have been flooding me all at once. I've been feeling so spiritually heavy. So, today I stopped. I stopped everything for 15 minutes, and sat Buddha style on my mother's bed and meditated. I've been guilty of not meditating often as I should. I forget how imperative it is to my body of peace. I need it.

Before I left school, I had a personal meeting with my mentor, L, who helped give me insights on various meditation styles and exercises. The style I frequently use is called "ambient listening." The individual sits quietly for a span of 15-30 minutes or however long is necessary and hones into the sounds of their surroundings. It inspires focus and forces you to pay close attention to your environment. It allows you to examine your emotions and how you feel in that very instance. It has tremendously helped me gather my sanity in times of stress. The kinks in my head loosen once I sit down and practice ambient listening. I always leave my space of meditation feeling together and light, yet lifted. I plan to practice this style every day. I always make sure to pay attention to the respiratory action going on. I'm mindful of my breathing patterns, and concentrate on breathing techniques. I usually make breathing my object of meditation. ( Depending on whatever meditation exercise you're using, there can be different objects of focus.) Meditation directly affects the respiratory and temporal lobes of the brain. It plays an important factor of calming the mind. There are several breathing methods that can be used as a single practice or incorporated in other meditation styles.

An additional meditation style L introduced me to was Vipassana. I have yet to practice Vipassana meditation for myself. Its objective is for the individual to see, feel, experience, and recognize things as they are. Patience plays a big factor in this meditation. One has to concentrate on any physical or mental variation that takes places within themselves. There is no specific object of meditation for it asks you to follow your focus on whatever arises. Though, one must be mindful not to allow themselves to become tangled with a specific worry. Just allow yourself to recognize that this issue is a worry of yours. The Vipassana meditation is one I'm still researching and find it to be very popular. There are even free 10-day mediation courses held in various centers around the world. (It's about to be my spot one of these summers.)

There are many websites and videos that serve as healthy references for information.

http://www.how-to-meditate.org/breathing-meditations.htm/

http://www.buddhanet.net/vmed_2.htm

 http://www.dhamma.org/

http://www.live365.com/index.live ( There is a decent ambient listening radio station on this site that can be incorporated into meditation.)


Meditation is an act of self-love. It is a way to take up the physical space I embody. It is how I put myself back into power and maximize those spaces of power. I have to take care of every aspect of myself, and let no one or nothing rob me of my spiritual wealth. It's precious to me. I rob myself when I place the needs of others above my own.I rob myself when I don't fulfill my desires.So, this post is a reminder of what I do when my mind is stuck and my heart is at a stand still.

" My vision is more than these compromises." - A quote my mentor,. L, shared with me.

Stay grounded. Stay Focused. Stay light.

- Amoni T.

"Livin' inside your love

makes me feel alright. Things are oh so nice, gotta say it TWICE. Livin' inside your love makes me feel alright, and I had to say it twiiiiiice."

                                                                                - Phyllis Hyman

Interconnected.

Artist :: Jessica Perlstein

ten minute freewrite at 4:20 am by warsan shire

I have thrown my body around like an old excuse

I have thrown my heart out like a kite

like rice confetti

like milk teeth behind me

like salt behind me

I have thrown away all of my pride

I have thrown all of my prayers into the deep

well of your mouth.

You catch me,

you’ve caught me

honey

I have nothing left

Source: Warsan Shire Blogspot

"When I'm down, I just draw some roses on a pretty piece of paper..."

My weekend with the love of my life was more than amazing! Casey is the sweetest person I know with an extraordinary heart. I spoke to my best friend in DC about him this weekend and just how well we seem to get along with each other. When she asked about him, I told her, “With him, it’s easy. It’s easy to love him.” We may not always agree with each other, but it doesn’t feel like a task to love him. There is nothing I have to get him to work on and I don’t feel that he hands over his load of miseries upon my shoulder. In past relationships, I have learned that none of that is healthy. You fall in love with who that person is as that very moment you say hello. YOU love them for who they are, not what you want them to be. It makes things complicated and you soon learn that you have fallen in love with a fantasy. In Cordie’s words, “I ain’t got time to fix nobody.”

Also, I have also had to be careful about what I allow people to place into my life. I usually allow my friends, family, and romantic partners to hand their loads of miseries on my shoulders. I would feel miserable and uninspired after every conversation we had. I’ve learned that in any relationship, recollections of pain and heartache are shared amongst the two of you. You aid each other in growing through it by simply being present, physically and spiritually. One person cannot feel responsible for carrying the burden of the other person’s shit. It doesn’t work that way.

It has taken me a while to really unwrap my full self with Casey. But I am doing so, right now. Others don’t understand it, and I am viewed from both extremes of being old-fashioned to selfish. For thoughts such as those, I have no apology to give. With all that I’ve been through and the many things I have seen, I know what I want MY love to feel like. And I don’t want it to feel rushed. I had to spiritually unwind with Casey at my own pace. And you know what? He understands. And he is always there. He doesn’t judge me. He encouraged me to always do what felt right for me. And if taking my time was it, then that was alright, as well. Why rush? Isn’t love patient and kind? It doesn’t pester you to make you feel as if you are wrong for being a hesitant flower in bloom. I love him, because I love myself. And I want to share that with him for as long as I can. I love him, because he loves himself. I love him, because he knows enough to know that there is actually NO real compromise in love. Love requires the real you at all times, and someone who can accept all that you are. I’m not satisfied with settling for what makes others comfortable. Where is the life in doing such? That’s no liberation. Love liberates! It’s free. I’ve lived a tough life. I don’t want struggle in a tough love. I want to dance in it. So, thank you, Casey, for showing me how MY love feels. I appreciate your whole self. I’ll love you, always.

Miriam Makeba, I'm blessed to bear your name.

HE'S COMINGGGGGG!

MY LOVE WILL BE HERE NEXT WEEKEND!!!!!!!  He's coming all the way from Georgia to be my date at my sister's Debutante Ball. Plus, he really wanted to meet the family. And...we miss each other terribly...or maybe that's just me on the 'terribly' note. Either way, my Moon Love, will be here in NC with moi! AHHHHH! I'm so excited! I have so much to do with this house, and my hair..AH! It hasn't been that long, but it's been long enough.  *sigh...* I hope he likes our house. It's pretty small. Actually very small. I'm never nervous about anyone coming to my house, but I am with him.He's not materialistic at all, though. In fact, he's a pretty simple guy. That's why I love him. I just...want everything to be enough. But I'm sure everything will be fine. It will be fine. I just want him here. AHHHHH!

For My Moon Love

Right now, I'm more in love with love than ever. YOU are amazing. I thank you for all that you've shown me, all the warmth you've brought into my life. It's beautifully strange how things work. How love finds you unexpectedly and catches you by surprise.I wish I could articulate this feeling in words. So far all I have to show is this smile.

I miss you... a lot.

"I'll dream of us like beautiful. Lovin' lovin' like freedom. Experiencing the moments that have had poets at a loss of words for ages. We'll be age-defying. Timeless. Classic. Like nature, love, sunsets, vowels, and Rome."

I love you.

Always,

Your Sweet Lady. <3

P.S.- I always sleep on the pillow on which you rest your rest head.(No Lysol. PROMISE! lol!) I even squirm around in my sheets when you leave. Trying to soak in every piece of you left behind.

 Beautiful Surprise by India.Arie

Starburst at 4:38 am

I took a nap around 1 this morning. Woke up and had no concern of going back to sleep. Hence, the surge of energy.

Gah, 10 can't come fast enough. I NEVER go to the Waffle House, but I'm really excited about it now. I think it's because I'm hungry right now. I mean, reallyyyyy hungry right now.

I've been on Twitter more than usual lately. I hate Twitter. I thought I did, at least. But, I just found some things that made the scopin' and the tweetin' worth my while. I sure as heck will not be on it as much during the semester,so....

You haven't messaged me in a while. I hope things are alright. I've given you your space these past few days, because you need it. We need it. I think that's what allows us to grow with each other so much. We recognize that we can't function as a union by intruding upon our every move. I've never felt this free with someone. Loved with no strings attached. Just pure,unadulterated love and kindness. We need space to continue growth within ourselves so that we can be the best friend each other needs. And as a best friend I'll promptly message you in the morning to see how things are going. I can't wait to see you soon! I've missed you, love....

I leave tomorrow morning. I don't want to talk about it right now.

Sometimes, I watch my little sister sleep. I can only imagine the lovely scenes of which she dreams. She's a visionary. She'll soon be making history. Helpin' the people. It's in her...I can just,just feel it. Ya know? God, remind her every day that I'm not here of how much I love her. Of how much she means to me. I can gain all the friends in the world, but none shall ever compare. I love you so much, babygirl. More than words can explain. You're my heartbeat. I'm inspired by you to keep pushing. You keep pushing. Don't be discouraged. Don't give up. Access your strength and persevere. I'll miss you, but I'll be seeing you again sooner than we know. Aiiight, guh?! LOL

I need to finish Girls of Riyadh right now. Lamees, you da girl. In a suffocated society that shoots down love quicker than anything on Earth, you stayed true and married the man of your dreams, or at least so far. To the rest of the clique, we're just like you.

Thank God the stars don't judge us for what we do beneath them.

You are radiant, child.

If it ain't one thing...

Gah! Why can't you just let me renew my damn application???!!  Here I was wanting to be responsible and apply for work-study but the ish just ain't goin' right. Story of my life. Right? I'm just tired of seeing mama struggle on my behalf. Mr.Furnie,too. They don't need it. If I get this work-study job, it can help....a lot. Pleeease. I beg of you. Don't let it be too late. Much to my dismay, money don't grow on trees or nothing. And babygirl...just tryin to get educated.