Yarn Braids

I'm almost done. I have a few more to go. I just did a quick updo for today. I'm going to show full length photos later!

Yarn braiding my hair now!!!

Will return with result in about 48 hours! :)

"Currently depending on heaven to make sense of this earth." - Rev. Run

I've become great at pretending.  I've mastered the art of make believe. I make them believe everything is cool. Yet, my insides are burning with unspoken fears. My eyes are beginning to sting from these unshed tears, while voices repeat in my ear, "See, I told you. You never belonged here."

My feet introduced themselves to my heart last night. For I watched a little girl pull out a chair just like the big people did. Waiting for someone to show her how to twerk that, murk that, work that ass just like the other girls did. It's fun, you see. It's how we show love. " See ma! See how they show me love while he holds me in between his thighs." No 1, 2 step just SEX, SEX, SEX! C'mon you can do it. Just make him fall in love with the booty meat and not the beautiful mind no one ever cares about.

I felt I was in my own live explicit shooting. Yet, this was the youth edition starring Grade A Bastards and Perverted Men. Their chairs were lined side by side waiting to feed their sexual pleasures. Ready to see plump, round backsides excite their maturing testosterone. Everything in me wants nothing of it. Half of my mind is left with the young boy in the corner forced to accept  lap dances and crotch grinds to become a man, or so says his mentors of slurred speech and dime store liquor scented breath. The other half is with the watchful little girl who believes this is how she gets boys to like her. It's that "You gotta use what you got to get what you want mentality," that's mentally impairing our babies. Our babies who may never know love outside a club, or what it's like to be appreciated for who you are and not what you carry.

I dragged my heart home last night. It was left in a deep state of misunderstanding. We never could decipher all that we absorbed. So, I prayed.

I asked God to send the rain for a brighter sunshine. We'll find where we belong...eventually.


 P.S.-
 Dear babygirl with the big, bright eyes who stood by me the entire time,

Find someone who holds your hands through the dark.                                  

I really really really really really really really REALLY HATE when I lose things!!!!!

Turquoise stone, where art thou? Come back to me! Please....

"All I want is to live my life, be free, stay fly."

Teedra Moses is my girl! I have had Royal Patience on replay all day today.

Back in the Day...

I used to love this guy to death. From his rhythmic flow to suave good looks, he was everything I desired in a girlhood crush. He seemed so driven. So motivated. Even then, I was attracted to more than physicality in the opposite sex. I remember drawing hearts around his face in my Word Up! magazine. Now, years later I can still get that same shiver in my spine when I hear him bust a freestyle. He seems to give the listeners his heart and soul in every lyric. Raw talent isn't common nowadays. I'm quite sure he'll never read this, but if the stars align in an unusual manner tomorrow night and your eyes happen to digest these words, know I appreciate your honesty as an artist. Please, don't get sucked into the foolery of mass media. I heard how it can leave one cold when their backs turn. It takes guts to be who you are amongst a world of clones. Be you, Jinsu....be you.

I am and forever will be a fan of Young Jinsu!

"Kisses never taste so sweet

than what you give to me."

"Back then...

they didn't want meh, now i'm hot and they all on meh."

I have to admit...

I love it when he plays in my kinky,curly fro. Or tell me how much he loves my hair

Better Late Than Never

So, my dad decided to give me a pocket knife. Our plans to go to the gun range were put on hold, because my brother fell ill. I hope he's doing alright. The little booger gets on my nerves at times, but I love him to death. I actually got to spend quality time with my dad this weekend. I usually have to share time with his wife, 4 other kids, and random people that are always around. I never realized how much I missed him. Us. Before,everything changed.  I was her again. That little girl who ran from the master bedroom to the living room upon the shaky floor to tell daddy it was time for church. "Mama, says we have to go." I was the little girl he held in his lap to keep quiet. Yeah, I missed her, too.I just needed to see her once. Just to make sure we didn't forget. The reunion was long overdue.

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I finally took my senior cap and gown pictures. I'm hella late. I know. Better late than never,right? Of course!
I think they are going to turn out well. I did a quick hairstyle with twists in the front and the rest of my hair in a ponytail. I can't wait to see what they look like! :)

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11 DAYS LEFT! Things are getting too real right now! Talking to my roomie love/cosmic sister/Theo made me 10X more excited!!!! (P.S.-Feel better, girlie!) ATL here we come!

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A few more hundred words left of this essay, and I can move on to summer reading and french studying! I actually get excited about doing that. Weirdo. So what!

"I just need time to see where I wanna be."

Apparently, I write and think better when I'm sitting on my bedroom floor playing Donell Jones.